Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Mel (I assume shes from BB?) left a comment asking if Im enjoying blogging and to be perfectly honest im terrified!!
i know i should enjoy it more, I know its so silly its not like anyone really knows who i am but i am struggling with that too. I am honestly not a private person so the anonimety is a new one for me. I guess if any of my friends had to find this blog they would know it was me, no mistake the name is made up specialy for me (aaw sweet i know!)
but i find that i have so many things ratling around in my head that i cant quiet grasp what i actually want to say and then the eager need to please and for people to like me is also stopping me. I dont want to let the cat out the bag and have people not read this becouse im a freak. I also want people to read it to get to know me. So whats the balance?? I honestly dont know. Iv been trying to figure out why i like the blogs i read on a day to day - So close Blue sloth, Doula Mel and snickolett and i genuinly like them becouse of the writters honesty. run of the mill people, parents South African and American, but always honest!
So here i sit wanting to say something scream it to the walls, the mountains the oceans to anyone who will listen... and its empty...no response....and i cant scream.... i have to smile and carry on faking it...
Phillip from Blue Sloth has an Oscar Wilde quote on his blog ~ “The basis of optimism is sheer terror.”
I can only hope that this is true. Im just genuinly afraid that i have lived in terror for such a long time that i can no longer be optimistic.
I cannot even be honest not even with myself...

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